Bringing joy and good will back into the holiday season for family members of all ages ...

Think about your vision of what the holidays should be.

Many picture themselves surrounded by friends and family. Some recall holiday times when we were young. And while sharing a nostalgia for the way things used to be – with the same rituals year after year – we know all too well that this is unrealistic given the changing needs of today's family (and the families too).

Family members may move across town, state or country. Holidays become more commercial each year. Relationships change. The point is that we can't recreate those days of yore. And since we can't, here's some advice adapted from Working Solutions that may make the holidays of tomorrow more enjoyable.

You Can Go Home Again

While holidays are an opportunity for families to reconnect, they can also provide access to familiar battleground and old tensions. Sibling rivalries and "forgotten" grudges resurface. Parents, too, may revert to previous interaction, treating their adult children like young children.

Some family members may view holidays as the opportunity to confront the behavior that occurred throughout the year(s) that they haven't had a chance to talk about yet. However, the holidays are usually filled with activity, and most family members are not able to focus on issues other than the immediate holiday tasks at hand.

How to make the opportunity to share quality time work

• TALK TO YOUR PARENTS BEFORE YOU ARRIVE – You might say something in a light tone such as "I know we all want everything to go well during the holidays, so let's not discuss 'X' (our problem situation or things that set me off)."

• TALK TO YOUR SIBLINGS BEFORE YOU ARRIVE – This is especially important if you haven't seen them in a while. Say, "We're all grown-ups. We don't need to compete for Dad's attention" or "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't bring up the story of 'X' in front of Mom."

• REMEMBER TO PICK YOUR BATTLES – It isn't worth arguing over each criticism from your parent or insult from your sibling. Keep your sense of balance. Keep your sense of humor.

Considering Elders' Needs

• MAKE PLANS WITH OLDER RELATIVES, NOT AROUND THEM – Find out what matters most to them during the holidays or your visit, and discuss how their preferences fit into the wishes and plans of other family members. Be willing to accommodate older relatives: change your routine, go somewhere else or have a different menu.

• ENCOURAGE THEM TO SHARE THEIR MEMORIES – Ask them to tell stories about the holidays when they were growing up or by telling stories important to your family's heritage. Their reminiscing can reinforce the history and identity of your family, will honor those who have passed before and emphasize the important role the elder plays in your family.

• CONSIDER THEIR HEALTH AND PLAN REALISTICALLY – You may want to consider alternating quiet and busy days (as well as time spent with young active children). Plan meals and other activities for the older person's peak hours. Make sure the places you plan to visit have accessible entrances and bathrooms. Watch for schedules of holiday activities in your community that may provide free entertainment and a change of pace (but watch the weather).

Now that you've thought of others in your family, remember to think of yourself. When you find yourself in a stressful situation, remove yourself temporarily from it and/or make plans for alone time later. And remember Working Solutions.

You automatically receive Working Solutions Service coverage as a Union-represented State of Ohio employee. This Trust-provided service (free of charge to you) is confidential, and there is no limit on calls.

Want to plan ahead? Working Solutions Service offers Union-represented State employees 24-hour resource and referral service for adult/elder dependents, and special needs dependents including children.

Working Solutions has information about planning for the holidays with elders in mind: Call Working Solutions at 800-358-8515, or visit their website.